Yes, I am an afternoon sleeper. My room had blanket over the binder to block the sunlight. When I came from school, I lie in my bed in the darkness seeking my rest. The sun became what I hated. The noise became what I hated. I learned this, "The strength of my brain is the strength of my body".

I tell people: Too much light or you are blocking my light or you are standing in the light

I started to hate it when I would look up to someone standing and talking to me. I needed everyone to bed down face to face with me and talk out of the light.

I tell people: I think I am losing my hearing.

After the testing of my hearing, there were no hearing loss. Hearing is the same as to when I was little. Yet, it seems that the sound was changing. I hated hearing loud noise. It is just enough to drive me over the edge. Hearing a car driving by, I hate that.

Some little game that my doctor thought I was playing. But truth be told, I couldn't stand the sound. I couldn't stand the light. This was no game. I didn't fake anything.

The pain it felt for months at the back of my head, without me even touching it...that I hate. The weakness feeling in my body is what I felt...that is what I settle my battle against.

Laying in my comfortable bedroom without a light during the day, when I had come home from school. 9 am to 9:55 am on Monday, Wednesday and Friday was chemistry class. Not a problem, just three hours in the daylight. Not to mention 3 hour lab class on Thursday, when in that class I would sit and do my experience. I would rather not pass out in class. On Tuesday, I would lie there forever peacefully sleeping. No bath time. No walking time.

I didn't even see the police report during my first week home. I didn't want to read it so mom took it out of my sight. Just my bears and I were on my bed under the sheet and sharing my pillowcase in my room hidden from the daylight. No time for playing...I only have time for sleeping.

Where are the memories? Why don't I know what happened? Witnesses saw all but I can't see into their mind. I can't read their mind.

As I lay in bed for hours, I thought of my aunt and my mother in the waiting room waiting for me to wake up. They told me that I might not have woken up for days.

If anyone knew me. If anyone knew the real me, you would have know I would have gotten up and walk away after being hit by a car. Only if people knew how I would have try to avoid going to the hospital because in a hospital, life pause. Only if people knew I would rather have go to school the following Monday rather than laying in bed sick. I would have went home with a bleeding brain and not know it. Then by the next day, I might have been dead.

I do not know the fact myself of those missing hours. I only know what everyone knows.

Written May 31, 2005.