Why am I Still Here?

They had awoken me again. They offered me the choice to move me to another room by wheel chair or by a bed. Of coursed I choose the bed.
They had moved me to another room by myself. I have no knowledge if there was a video camera in the room. I saw the television but I keep it off.
In the last room I had just been moved from, the television was on either channel three, six or ten. I recognized the channel as I don't have cable at home so three channels are familiar to me.

I was still stuck there; and, asking the nurses every other hour or so: When can I go home? I have school on Monday.
Every annoying time they responded: That is for the doctor to decide.

My mother's sisters (two of them had come to visit me) along with my mother and my uncle had come to visit me that day. They brought me soup and helped me to eat it. My mother brought the laptop so that I could go on it but despised my condition; she had to take it back home, as I wasn't going to be able to use it. I could not even stay awake.

In the afternoon of that day, my mother's oldest sister came to visit me alone. I asked her where are my clothes. She told me they had cut it off. I was shocked. They cut of my favorite jean and the pretty blue winter blouse that this aunt had brought for me a couple Christmas ago. It was so pretty.

"Why am I still here?" I asked. She told me that my brain was bleeding. She told me they were going to do surgery on my brain to drain the blood. I was shock. I care about my hair. They are long in length down to my back. I love these midnight black hair. If anyone saw them, they would love it, too.

When my aunt told me I was taken to the hospital by helicopter, I started laughing. According to me, stuff like this only happened on television but never in our real life. I laughed like I didn't believe her or perhaps I didn't want to believe her.

Now I know how to add two plus two to make it four, not by memorizing but by counting. At that point I knew I was really hit by a car but the questions remained: how did it happened? Where are the memories? I can only imagine how horrible it must have been for this body.

Written May 31, 2005.

 

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